I'm moving (sort of)

hey guys - just FYI I'm starting a new blog called Caleb Reviews Music at calebreviewsmusic.blogspot.com

there you will (sooner or later) find the rest of the avicii/cap kings series. I'll keep posting on here when the post does not pertain to music reviews.

Stories by Avicii and II by Capital Kings - DOUBLE ALBUM REVIEW!!! part 1: Stories of failure and success

HAIIIIIIIIIIII Caleb here, pretty excited to write this, I've been looking forward to it ever since, oh, I don't know, about a week ago when I realized Capital Kings and Avicii's sophomore albums were both dropping (i.e. being released) on October 2 (this past Friday). Since I'm known for going on

and on

and on

and on

about EDM (Electronic Dance Music, for you muggles out there), I'll just start by saying:

Avicii's Stories: Meh album with good parts. Bit disappointing.

Capital Kings' II: Good album with meh parts. Surprisingly awesome.

okay now that's out of the way time to get down to it.

First off, a bit (or more than  bit) about our first artist, Avicii.

(this is a lot of biographical info, but it really helps put Stories into context. Read or not. If you choose not to, pick up where I say to).

Avicii, 26, hails from Stockholm, Sweden, where it's so dark and cold most of the year that people resort to having fun indoors - in Avicii's case, making music.

He's also Taylor Swift's twin, apparently. They do look kind of similar...

He quickly rose from the EDM underground, where he had been producing for some time, with the release of Levels, a mostly instrumental dance single with a sample of Etta James' Something's Got a Hold on Me thrown in the middle, in 2011.

Yeah, it got about to this level of popularity. Kind of the Whip/Nae-nae of its day. Except it was good.

Since Levels, which was a fairly traditional EDM track (mostly/entirely synthesizers), Avicii began to branch out into his own vein of the genre, taking the world by storm even more so than Levels with the smash-hit Wake Me Up in 2013. I'm sure most of you out there in internet land have heard it at least once. What makes it unique was its use of genre crossovers - besides having a solid beat and drop (the part where the singer cuts out, the synths play something repetitive, and everyone dances and throws their hands in the air), it incorporated elements of country music, including acoustic guitar.

Wake Me Up was followed up by another single, Hey Brother, which dove even further into the realm of country/EDM, with many comparing it to bluegrass music. These two singles were both on the album True, along with a handful of piano driven and purely synth tracks - all comfortably within the realm of EDM.

Late in 2014, despite illness, Avicii released his first EP (Extended play - like 3 or 4 songs) called The Days/Nights. It contained two new singles - called, you guessed it, The Days and The Nights. Both had the country/EDM sound of Wake Me Up, with The Nights actually sounding a bit like an Irish drinking song. Both songs were, in my humble opinion, great, and they were followed soon after by a plethora of remixes, as well as another (pure synth this time) Irish-tinged track called Heaven which featured Coldplay singer Chris Martin (though this song was never released on iTunes or Spotify...WHY, AVICII, WHY???)

Then, in March of 2015, Avicii shocked the world.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit.

Any case, he released a song which turned everything I thought about him upside-down. This song, a cover of Nina Simone's Feeling Good, was not EDM. It was just jazz music - played with lots of synthesizers and such. I wondered what he was doing branching out from his usual repertoire, and it wasn't long before more songs outside of the EDM vein began to show up - now heralding Avicii's sophomore album, Stories. 

Though the singles Waiting for Love, Broken Arrows, Gonna Love Ya, and For a Better Day fit solidly within EDM, songs like Pure Grinding (which borders on hip-hop), and Ten More Days (which is sort of acoustic alternative-ish), while still using synthesizers, were completely different from the Avicii of old.

Which leads us to the release of Stories.

(okay, start here if you skimmed. But I do hope you didn't skim.)

Before I begin to review the album, I want to insert a word of warning: While none of the album's lyrics are openly obscene, many of them do bear reference, to varying degrees, to...what married people do (just trying to keep this family-friendly here). I would advise proceeding with caution through this album; maybe don't play it around the younger kids.

However, I have decided not to focus on lyrics in this review, other than placing (warning) labels on particularly bad tracks. I will be reviewing as if the album was in French - since I know about ten words in French and I would only recognize 1 or 2 if I listened to French EDM (believe me, I've tried), I'm going to be looking at the tracks in terms of sound, not message.

1. Waiting for Love: A danceable piano-driven track with decent vocals compared to much of the rest of the album. Despite being an okay opener, it lacks the power and charm of Wake Me Up. 3/5 because of one or two objectionable lyrics.

2. Talk to Myself: Once again EDM, but this time taking us on a journey into new territory. Mixes a bit of deep house (a softer, less pop-y, slower vein of EDM) and arpeggiated synthesizers harkening back to the 80's, resulting in a unique blend of styles that reminds me slightly of Daft Punk's recent tracks as well as disco. Quite creative on Avicii's part. Okayish vocals too, and (sorry I'm breaking my rule on track 2!) good lyrics. 4/5, a nice surprise.

(warning) 3. Touch Me: Yeah, it's about what the title implies. To top it off, the beat seems to plod along (this observation made after several rounds of Talk to Myself) and the synths seem to swim a little. 1/5

4. Ten More Days: First non-EDM track on the album, venturing instead into acoustic pop. The singer might be good, but it sounds as if he's singing through cheap microphone. Catchy melody, and still has traces of EDM influence - such as still having a drop, though this is rather different and quirky. 4/5

5. For a Better Day: Good vocals and beat, moves along at a good clip. Like Waiting for Love, it is piano driven, and in my humble opinion Avicii pulls this off better here. The drop, however, is a bit anti-climactic, simply relying on the piano rather than bringing in synthesizers (the remix, available as a single fills in this void) 4/5

6. Broken Arrows: Another guitar-driven country/EDM track, FINALLY! This one sounds even more country-y than Wake Me Up or Hey Brother, and the synth progression in the drop sounds like a space-age banjo. Good vocals too. 5/5

7. True Believer: I was really excited about this track when I learned Chris Martin (lead singer of Coldplay who's already put together two brilliant works of EDM with Avicii - Sky Full of Stars and Heaven) would be singing on this one, but my excitement was short-lived. Not only does Martin sing in a Cockney accent, but also the background vocals are horrific, taking a degree of concentration to recognize the usually amazing vocalist beneath them. The synths and beat are both rather nondescript. Pretty big disappointment. 2/5

(warning) 8. City Lights: Sounds like a deliberate imitation of Daft Punk in both vocals and use of older synthesizer sounds. Goes on a bit too long but is a good sound. 4/5 when not considering lyrics, 3/5 if lyrics are considered.

9. Pure Grinding: This track takes Avicii towards the realm of hip-hop, with a touch of blues and a quirky drop. The vocalists are...awful. One definitely needs more voice lessons; the other could be singing in French for all I know (was he saying "money" or "Monet?"). 2.5/5 - the .5 being added because I like what I think Avicii was trying to do with this.

(warning) 10. Sunset Jesus: A rock track vaguely reminiscent of Life is a Highway by Rascal Flatts, it still incorporates synths, blending them quite well with the other instruments. However, like on City Lights, the good sound is diminished by the lyric and, like on Ten More Days, the vocalist sounds like he's singing through a cheap mic (Avicii must like this sound I suppose). 2/5

11. Can't Catch Me: Even for Avicii's branching out, this is going too far. Reggae? Honestly? There aren't even any prominent synthesizer lines, and it bears no resemblance to Avicii's other work, other than perhaps the use of background piano vaguely reminding us of what he used to do with synths. Lots of potential in this song, very little of it was realized. 2/5

12. Somewhere in Stockholm: A dark song, despite its use of a major key. Has a 6/8 tempo like Axwell^Ingrosso's amazing Sun is Shining from earlier this year, but, like Can't Catch Me, I think Avicii could've done a lot more with this song, including getting some improvement in the lyrics - rhyming backbone and Stockholm? Honestly??? 1/5

13. Trouble: Right about here in the album I'm starting to wonder if there will be any more good tracks. Then the guitar kicks in, and we're back into Country/EDM again, once again proving this is truly Avicii's strong spot. Has a bit more of a low-key feel than the anthemic Wake Me Up, but it's a pleasant song with good lyrics and a repeat of Broken Arrows' space-age banjo (or maybe a fiddle this time, I'm not sure). Very refreshing, especially after the past two tracks. 5/5

14. Gonna Love Ya: This slower deep house track, complete with processed vocals and guitar, rounds out the album arguably better than Waiting for Love started it (although I do see the juxtaposition here - Waiting for Love, Gonna Love Ya). Neither outstanding nor terrible. 4/5

Overall thoughts: Avicii's desire to break out of the EDM mold is admirable, but its execution isn't. The further Avicii gets from EDM, it seems, the worse he sounds, especially on tracks like Can't Catch Me. Also, with the kind of budget Avicii has, he could probably afford to hire some nicer vocalists for his songs to match up with the quality of the music, which itself could use a facelift. Finally, less innuendo in the lyrics would be great, but I doubt that's going to happen.

If you want to give this a listen, I'd recommend sticking with tracks 2, 4, 5, 6, 13, and 14.

Part II (pun intended) is coming soon!

Adventures With a 21 Year Old Laptop

hey! guess what? I'm not dead! I'm actually still alive, even though I haven't posted since April. 

Anyways, last Friday I went to a garage sale. well technically it was a yard sale, as it wasn't in a garage. but then again they weren't selling their yard, so it really wasn't a yard sale either. it was basically just a here's-some-old-junk-get-it-out-of-our-sight sale. 

Right, right, right. *ahem* so, I'm at this garage/yard/here's-some-old-junk-get-it-out-of-our-sight sale, and I'm browsing this table of stuff. the lady who's running the sale tells me that she has an old laptop for sale and it's only five bucks. I snatched it up in a heartbeat.

Well maybe a little longer than a heartbeat. I'm not sure how long a heartbeat is.

...and now I'm googling it...

What the heck is "hearthstone?"

Now I have to google that...

*sigh* another one of those so-called "free to play" games...well at least now I know what it is and am that much more enlightened for it.

Anyway, turns out a heartbeat lasts about .75 seconds on average. Don't quote me on that though. It took me about that long to decide I wanted the thing, but to actually snatch it up - er - pick it up in a very dignified manner - took a little longer than that. Anyways I got it home and started messing around with it.

The thing isn't even that big - it's barely 12 inches diagonally

Checking the model number, I quickly googled the model (Compaq Aero 4/33c) and pulled up this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compaq_Aero

Turns out the laptop I got was made in 1994-ish and runs an operating system called MS DOS 6.2. For those of you who, like me, were born after 1994, DOS is a Microsoft operating system that uses a command line instead of a mouse and keyboard - so instead of clicking on things, you type your requests into the computer. that actually goes a bit faster for some things, but you have to know all the magic spells - er - commands.

Expelliarmus!

The keyboard's nice and normal, but the built-in mouse is downright weird. It uses a trackball rather than a trackpad like nowadays, and the buttons are on the side - took me awhile to figure that one out, but it's sort of ergonomic, I guess.

It's not your imagination - when closed, the thing's over an inch and a half thick.

After learning a couple of commands, I finally figured out how to turn on Windows - by typing "win" into the command line.

win for the win!

This ends up launching a very primitive version of Windows - number 3.11. Even if our current Windows 10 is really Windows 9, this makes for a trip back in memory lane. Or, if you're like me and born after 3.11 was a thing, a trip into ancient history.

Historical re-enactment time...

So finally when I got to the desktop, both my windows and mac sides started freaking out. there was. no. taskbar. of any sort. Instead, everything was organized in a strange software known as tab works.

They even take the pains to make it look like a real notebook.

Within tab works you can easily access pretty much everything on the tiny machine. Since there's no means of connecting to the internet or transferring files on or off of the machine (since the removable disk drive was removed when I bought the thing and it only took floppies anyway), there aren't that many things that can be done on the machine as is. However, I've used it as a notepad for to-do lists and the like while working on my mac. And of course there's solitaire.

I actually beat this once. Can you believe it?

I'm not sure what all I'll end up doing with my purchase...it's just hitting the 20+ years mark when computers go from being complete junk to actually being sort of collectable, so I may or may not sell it on eBay (if any of you happen to want it, I'd be glad to sell it). It's also handy as a digital notebook of sorts, and, miraculously the old battery held charge for nearly an hour today (after charging for about 12), so I may take it traveling sometime.

Anyways, that's all for now from the world of Caleb, but I'll try to get back on here more often.

Pride and Prejudice as summarized by Caleb, Part 5

Okay it's been two weeks since my last P+P post, time for another go:

Well probably some of you know how the story ends - Jane and Bingley get married, Lydia and Wickham get married after Darcy bribes Wickham into it, and Elizabeth realizes the kind of man Darcy truly is through this action and marries him.

the end.

Yay, everyone's happy!

However recent evidence turned up only weeks ago has produced an original draft of Pride and Prejudice much different from the final one. This version was criticized as being "Scandalous and appalling," and included elements that were later abandoned, most of which had been inserted to amuse the younger male audience who had limited tolerance for the romance seen in the novel.

Originally, the story took place in the North American colonies during the French and Indian war. Jane and Elizabeth's father was a general in the British army, and the girls were staying at another fort nearby. Wanting to see their father, they were escorted on a shortcut through the woods by an officer by the name of Bingley and an indian runner named Magua.

Magua, who is really working for the French, leads them hopelessly off-course, but thankfully they run into a hunter named Fitzwilliam Darcy and his Indian companions, Chingachgook and Uncas. Basically there's a bunch of fighting between the protagonists and the evil Indian tribes, and Bingley and Darcy go off after Elizabeth and Jane who have been captured...

...and at this point, as Jane Austen wrote in her diary, her sister Cassandra (how come her sister got the cool name?) pointed out that the amount of violence present in the initial draft would be appalling to the general public. So, the story was dropped only to be completed by none other than James Fenimore Cooper in Last of the Mohicans. 

so as you see, nothing is original :P

more weirdness coming soon! (I'm going to try and start blogging more again).

Pride and Prejudice as summarized by Caleb, Part 4

When we last left our heroes they had just been attacked by a hoard of microbots and they had only barely escaped with their lives...

"I am not fast."

Oh oops. Wrong storyline. (sorry I just watched Big Hero 6 :P)

Anyway, picking up where we left off in Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth is still getting over the shock of Darcy's proposal. Only the next day she is out walking when he hands her a letter he wrote the night after his failed proposal.

Right now I think he wishes e-mail existed - or at least some alternative to a quill pen...

Elizabeth reads the letter and discovers the true story of Darcy's actions...

Wickham, it turns out, was not interested in a "living," and due to his frivolous lifestyle Darcy wasn't inclined to give it to him. Finally, Wickham attempted to elope with Georgina, Darcy's beloved little sister whom he is fiercely protective of.

Darcy caught them at the last second, thankfully, and no damage was done, but there was no way Wickham would be getting his living now. 

As for Jane and Bingley, Darcy observed that Jane didn't show much affection towards Bingley (what Darcy doesn't know is that Jane usually hides such feelings). The main reason he separated them, though, was that the sisters' family behaved rather inappropriately at the Netherfield ball.

Armed with this information, Elizabeth comes back home, unsure of what to do next or how much to tell the locals. Soon after, Lydia goes to Brighton to stay with the officers, and Elizabeth gets the break she needs, traveling with her aunt and uncle Mr. and Mrs. Gardener, a pleasant couple from London, up into the north country. 

It's rather hard to believe that Mr. Gardiner is actually Mrs. Bennet's younger brother, the difference between them is striking.

They travel to a town near Pemberley, Darcy's estate. Mrs. Gardiner suggests that they go for a tour of the place, and Elizabeth accepts - once she learns Darcy is out of town.

"That could've been mine..."

They are shown around the house and the housekeeper tells Elizabeth that the Darcy she knows was nothing like the one Elizabeth knew. 

What surprises Elizabeth even more is when Darcy suddenly shows up as they're exiting the house.

"And...how is your family?" (he repeats this like 2 or 3 times)

Although Mr. Darcy is rather awkward at first while getting over the surprise of Elizabeth's appearance, once he's past that he's surprisingly nice. Mr. and Mrs. Gardener find him a pleasant man, and they begin to notice that Elizabeth and Darcy seem to maybe like each other.

Darcy comes to call shortly afterward at the inn where Elizabeth is staying, and he brings Bingley with him. Bingley is, thankfully, still interested in Jane, and Darcy ends up inviting Elizabeth and the Gardeners to Pemberley for dinner, where Elizabeth gets to meet Darcy's sister, Georgiana.

(this is from the 2005 movie but I liked this scene...in the book and in the 1995 version Georgiana is much more timid)

While at the inn soon after this, Elizabeth gets a letter from her sister Jane and hears the dreadful news: Lydia has run off with Wickham, and their whereabouts are unknown. Darcy shows up just after she reads this, and leaves quickly after he hears the news. Elizabeth thinks he has given up on her because of the disgrace this has brought to her family, and quickly finds her aunt and uncle and comes home as soon as she can.

One more post should finish this up, that will be coming soon!

(insert title here)

Uh oh, it's Friday the 13th!!! 

(more P+P coming tomorrow, this post would've been part 4 but I'm going to go see a musical.)

Pride and Prejudice as Summarized by Caleb, Part 3

This post goes out to a certain cute (and very small) individual who had us all scared last night :( But you made it through okay so here's a puppy for you:

Okay anyway now that I'm breathing again I might as well continue where I left off in Pride and Prejudice. I would like to thank another unnamed individual for her wonderful feedback last night - more Mr. Collins it is, then.

So Mr. Collins ends up sneaking off to Lucas Lodge, the neighbors' house, and proposing to Elizabeth's friend Charlotte. Charlotte, who has a very practical view of marriage and will marry basically anyone who proposes to her, accepts his offer. Elizabeth is shocked.

"Engaged to Mr. Collins?! Impossible!"

After Mr. Collins and Charlotte leave, word arrives that Bingley and Darcy are leaving Netherfield. Jane goes to stay with her aunt and uncle in London; though she knows that Bingley is in London, she tells Elizabeth in her letters that Bingley has never once called on her, making both sisters wonder if he's really serious about her. 

The following spring, Elizabeth goes to stay with Charlotte and Mr. Collins for awhile. Mr. Collins eagerly shows off his new Living, given to him by the honorable Lady Catherine de Bourgh. He takes a lot of time - not to mention a lot of words - to show Elizabeth around his new house, to which Charlotte is just like:

*patient blank stare*

Soon Elizabeth is able to actually go to Rosings (the local estate) and meet Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself. Said lady ends up being rather haughty and Elizabeth is the only one in the party who stands up to her.

Needless to say, Lade Catherine is shocked by her impertinence.

Soon, surprisingly, Mr. Darcy and his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam come to stay at Rosings. Colonel Fitzwilliam reveals to Elizabeth that Darcy broke up Bingley and Jane's relationship because (he thought) Jane didn't care much for Bingley.

Meanwhile, Darcy and Elizabeth cross paths frequently until, one day, to Elizabeth's immense astonishment, Mr. Darcy proposes to her.

you know I just noticed the wallpaper seems to warp as he moves. Does he secretly have telekinetic powers?!

Also I'm writing this while listening to Capital Kings, so basically every gif I look at seems to be dancing. try it sometime, it's fun.

Elizabeth turns the proposal down vehemently, listing Darcy's behavior towards Wickham - and her sister - as examples of why he is a terrible person. 

That's all for now but part 4 will not be long in coming!

Pride and Prejudice As Summarized by Caleb, Part 2

This post is dedicated to two certain unnamed individuals - one of whom has been asking for a unnamed shout-out since post 1, the other of whom gave me some *ahem* amazing feedback on my last post which prompted me to write this one.

Anyway, we're continuing our series on Pride and Prejudice (this being the royal "we.") To catch you up on what has happened so far:

to continue:

There are two new arrivals in town shortly after this. First, a regiment of officers takes up residence in town; second, Mr. Bennet's cousin Mr. Collins comes to stay at the Bennets' estate. Mr. Collins is a long-winded clergyman who ends up providing a lot of the story's comic relief. Since Mr. Bennet has no male heirs, Mr. Collins is to inherit the Bennets' estate when Mr. Bennet dies. While Mr. Collins is visiting the Bennets, therefore, he praises everything with his usually excessive verbosity. 

(this is from the movie version of P+P made in 2005; I just saw it, it isn't as good as the 1995 TV series but they have a great Mr. Collins).

Though he isn't in possession of a considerable fortune, he is still in want of a wife...his first choice is Jane, but when he finds out she's already in love with Bingley, Elizabeth suddenly and mysteriously becomes the sole object of his affection. 

Mr. Collins: This room is magnificent.

Mr. Collins: And the potatoes are beyond words, a recipe no doubt given to you by my most honorable patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh!

(Said Lady gave him his Living as a Clergyman, and he has been obsessively grateful ever since).

Elizabeth: #tryingheardnottolaugh

One day Kitty and Lydia go into town to flirt with the numerous officers there. One of these officers is George Wickham, a young man who explains to Elizabeth that he knew Mr. Darcy since they were both children, and that Mr. Darcy has robbed him of the Living (position as a Clergyman and the house that goes with that) that he should have had. 

The more you look at him the creepier he looks.

Elizabeth is taken in by his story, and begins to think more poorly of Mr. Darcy than she already had. 

Soon after this, there is a ball at Netherfield, which Wickham is strangely unable to attend. Elizabeth ends up dancing with Darcy, but after that her whole family starts embarrassing her...

Kitty and Lydia are flirting with all the officers...

...Mary plays rather tasteless songs on the piano until her father gets up and stops her in the middle of a song...

...Mrs. Bennet tells everyone about how Jane and Bingley are surely going to get married...

...and Mr. Collins talks all the time, even going up to Mr. Darcy and introducing himself even though he is of an inferior class.

This picture is from the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice, but it captures the scene quite well. Mr. Darcy is the tall guy in the center, who has just turned around to glare coldly at Mr. Collins standing next to him.

Some days later Mr. Collins attempts to propose to Elizabeth, but she turns him down. Mr. Collins interprets this as her playing hard to get, and he attempts to propose several more times.

Mr. Colins' head on a penguin - my life has been made.

This is one of many examples of Austen using humor to advance the story. I just did an essay on this in fact, it's rather interesting when you think about it.

But anyway, Mrs. Bennet is shocked when she hears that Elizabeth has turned down Mr. Collins' offer.

"WHAT EVEN?!"

Mr. Bennet, however is fully supportive of Elizabeth's decision not to marry Mr. Collins. He gives her a choice - not marry Mr. Collins and have her mother never speak to her, or marry Mr. Collins and have him never speak to her. 

Mrs. Bennet does not take well to this.

"...smelling salts!"

More to follow later, I'm tired...goodbye for now!

Pride and Prejudice As Summarized by Caleb, Part 1

so on Tuesday I finally finished reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice for school. It was a fun read, if a little long-winded at times, and I thoroughly enjoyed Austen's various and eclectic characters. As I read, I watched portions of the 1995 TV series based on the show (I hope to watch the 2005 movie soon). It ended up being one of the very few romance-centric stories I have enjoyed :P

Anyway, now that I've finished, I'm going to try to retell the story in one or two posts, illustrated with memes.

The story centers on Elizabeth Bennet, a young woman living in the English countryside with her father, her mother, and her sisters. She's clever and witty, and a particular favorite of her father.

Jennifer Ehle as Elizabeth Bennet (all character pictures are from the 1995 mini-series)

Her sisters are as such:

Jane, the eldest. Calm, sensible, and kind; she finds it very hard to think poorly of anyone.

Mary, the puritan. Enjoys reading and playing music, though her taste in music is...not the greatest. Prefers a good sermon over a ball.

Kitty (right) and Lydia (left); the two youngest girls who are rather frivolous and flirty. Though Lydia is younger, Kitty generally follows Lydia's example.

Here's another one of Lydia:

(I could decide what to caption this so I put all three of my options):

"I'm so shocked I can't even!"

"Oh no. Oh....no."

"I MUST have that bonnet!"

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are basically polar opposites of each other. Mrs. Bennet...has no filter. Either it's the best day ever or the world is ending.

"Have you no compassion on my poor nerves?!"

And meanwhile Mr. Bennet is like...

Anyway, the story begins with this line: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

Yeah, I know, they used a lot of, unnecessary commas back in 1799 when the book was written, as well as when it was published, in 1813.

(BTW Austen was only 21 when she first wrote her novel, so there's hope for me...in only few years I could be writing a world-renowned classic).

It is also a truth universally acknowledged among teenagers that cheesy pickup lines seldom do any good.

Anyway, moving on from spoofing the first sentence (which I could go into a lot more, but I won't), in the first chapter we are introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Bennet. Mrs. Bennet tells Mr. Bennet excitedly of the arrival in the region of a rich young (and unmarried) gentleman named Mr. Charles Bingley. When Mr. Bennet declines her suggestion of calling on the gentleman, Mrs. Bennet starts to complain rather excessively.

Soon, however, Mr. Bennet changes his mind and calls on Bingley. 

Bingley - very easygoing friendly guy; it's a miracle he ended up like this considering the characters of his sisters...

Bingley then goes into "town" (London), coming back with his two sisters (Ms. Caroline Bingley and Mrs. Hurst), as well as his friend Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. They then attend a "public assembly" (a ball), where Bingley quickly comes off as a friendly, good-natured fellow, and where Darcy quickly gets the reputation of being stuck-up and proud. Jane and Bingley dance multiple times, but Darcy doesn't dance once.

Elizabeth overhears the two gentlemen talking - Bingley suggests that Darcy dance with Elizabeth, but Darcy refuses, saying that Elizabeth is tolerable, but not pretty enough to tempt him. 

Soon, however, Darcy starts to think differently of Elizabeth, remarking to Bingley that she has fine eyes - to the immense disapproval of Bingley's snobbish sister, Caroline.

"I am not amused."